I added to my to-do list, to at some point, come back and rebuild the site, since I still had all of the content. It had been over a year since Meg had last posted, and maintaining this site was no longer a priority for her, so her recommendation was to not worry about it.

Little did we know that, only three-and-a-half weeks after this conversation, on the evening of January 29, 2019, Meg would pass away suddenly and tragically from cardiac arrest.

Meg truly enjoyed writing. She didn’t always have to time or the energy to keep up with it. But her small audience loved what she wrote. I think it is important to preserve her writing, and therefore I’ve set out to archive the original content of www.notyourmommysblog.com, so that all can continue to share in her memory, love, and talents as a writer.

This site looks very different from the original www.notyourmommysblog.com (which can, at the time of this writing, still be viewed on the Internet Archives). I was not able to recover the images she lovingly added to the site, so you’ll see broken image links throughout. I also was not able to use the original theme, as this theme was coded by a really inexperienced developer (that would be me, 6 years ago) and contained security holes that allowed the hacker to get control of the site in the first place.

The new site you are seeing is archived. There will be no new posts here, and discussions have been turned off for all posts. However, all of the content is still there. Her funny, witty, loving, and hilariously-opinionated writing is still there for us all to read and share in.

Sincerely,
Bob D’Errico
Meg’s loving husband

My 9 year-old cried bewildered tears Wednesday. This was a very black and white issue for her, and she is a sensitive soul. Naturally, I felt like crap for having exposed her to needless sadness. I just really, really thought she would value being able to tell her kids that she was there, for this important day. She pushed the button. Yes, I’m that idealistic. Wednesday morning we explained that, though it seems like people liked the bully more than the smart girl, there are many other things going on, and she was safe. I wish every mom could have been able to say that, Wednesday morning.

Policy, anti-establishment sentiment, those damn emails – these were all cited as justifications to vote for Donald Trump. Unfortunately, the multitudes cared more about those justifications than about saying “NO” to racism, sexism and a whole host of other crap we shouldn’t allow out of basic human decency. The prevalence of that mindset was not something I could previously conceive of in my NPR-listening, blue state-living, white, middle-class, privileged bubble. I didn’t realize that so many people actually thought policy was more important than people. Holy crap, America.

Thinking as a parent, since this is a parenting blog (most of the time), I’m offering the following: No, Clinton was not an ideal candidate with an ideal track record. There are NONE OF THOSE. They don’t exist. Ok, maybe Justin Trudeau. #dreamy The problem is that in this election we have journeyed past politics. We are now disassembling basic morality for our children. Think about what we teach kids: You treat people the way you want to be treated. You take care of people. You welcome new friends. Your body is yours alone, it is a good thing, and it should be respected. How about the one preschool teachers keep on repeat, all day: “Keep your hands to yourself!” Dear Donald, “grabbing” means you are doing it wrong. 

Not to mention the tired old slogan, “Girls can do anything boys can do.” *sigh* Hang on, girls. Change comes slow, but it does come. Look at where we started.

Speaking of girls, as Clinton was on Wednesday: “And — and to all the little girls who are watching this, never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue and achieve your own dreams.” Forget the sadness that we have to state that at all. “Valuable” is my favorite word, here. I’m still more of a believer in the social commentary and symbolism of this election than in specifically electing Hillary Clinton – remember, I just wanted a girl to win, for once. I just thought this was immensely cool to hear. They knew, she knew, that little girls had serious stock in this election. And she asked them to hang on, too.

You know what else was cool? A friend of a friend of mine made a beautiful design of the above quote, and posted it on Facebook. I shared it, and the designer was kind enough to send me the high resolution version. I grabbed a frame, and this actually cheered my kid up. She moved a My Little Pony art project off the wall to make room for this! This was important stuff!!

Moving forward, I’m choosing to be hopeful and expect the best from people, including President-Elect Trump and his future cabinet appointees. I’m going to repeat the closing of my previous post. I’m praying it’s still true, though now it refers to a different “someone”. We’ve done enough of tearing people down. It’s my fervent hope as a mom and teacher that tomorrow our nation will raise up someone who will makes it their job to raise up others.

Also, I’m posting a link to a wonderful article containing the names of non-profits. If you liked this post, chances are you will find one whose ideals you agree with. If you’re feeling powerless in the wake of last week, and looking for something to do to feel more empowered, donating to any of these amazing charities is a great way to feel like you, too, are valuable.

Click here for the list of charities. Thank you.

I said that if Hillary Clinton ran for president, as we knew she was planning, I would vote for her. When asked why, I gave the shallow, flippant answer,  “Because she’s a woman, that’s why!” I may literally have stuck my tongue out at this point in the conversation. I know. I was promptly told that was a stupid reason to vote for someone. By a man….Hmmm…

Flash forward to this torturous election year, and you’d think I’d have many more responsible-grown-up, platform-y justifications for my vote for Hillary Clinton. I do, but that’s not important.

Truth be told, I was a Bernie girl on a lot of policy points. I didn’t agree with Clinton on everything. However, I conceded early that Secretary Clinton is pretty much over-qualified for this job for which she’s applying. Then we got into thick of it, and learned that the republican candidate mocked the body of a woman representing his own organization by calling her Miss Piggy, blatantly insinuated that a well-spoken news anchor must be on her period, and has bragged proudly about sexually assaulting women.

Yeah… I’m gonna go ahead and vote for Secretary Clinton because she’s a girl.

If I delved into even the shallowest detail of the sexism, marginalization, and disenfranchisement of women – just since the election started – this post would exceed WordPress limits. I’m not going there. I’m going to the polls.

Tomorrow I’m taking my oldest daughter with me to our voting place, first thing in the morning. (She has a doctor appointment at 10:00, and I took a half day off work for it anyway. Hooray for timing!)

Now, my fourth grader has had a small share of crap from boys, my daughter. She’s been told she can’t do/like/play certain things because she’s a girl, mostly. When that happens I remind her that they’re clearly ignorant, and buy her another Mario/Minecraft T-Shirt. Of course, she’s experienced girls’ meanness too, and more often. There’s been Friendship Drama, Cliques and Clubs, you name it. I’m sure my kid is also far from blameless in the girl wars; this is fourth grade. The social affiliations and tear-downs have begun.

Why bother taking the nine year-old to stand in line at our town’s dank senior center when she could be home enjoying a stolen morning of watching TV? Because women’s rights are human rights. Because this is a behavior I want to model for her – not just voting, but supporting people. Because tomorrow, my kid is going to watch her Mom pull a lever and raise another woman up. ALLLLLLLL the way up.

We’ve done enough of tearing people down. It’s my fervent hope as a mom and teacher that tomorrow our nation will raise up someone who will makes it their job to raise up others. 

HOWEVER… I have not found other things quite so cute lately:

Sorry. No. Rant warning!

They’re  exercising their right to protest in a (very!) peaceful way. They’re doing nothing to hurt you or anyone else. You don’t have to agree with it. They don’t have to agree with you. I guess it sucks if they’re messing with your image of a perfect Sunday afternoon game. These players taking a knee to draw attention to an issue they care about is hardly disrespectful to a country that was populated partially by Europeans searching for religious freedom and that early on established the ideal of free speech. It’s kind of our game, here.

We watched my kid’s soccer team take a knee last weekend when a player on the other team was hurt. 20 kids instantly knew to drop to the ground in respect until the boy was up and walking. Kneeling before royalty is traditional.  Kneeling in prayer is a common practice. Kneeling is a heck of a lot more respectful than some other methods of protest.

If you say these guys have “insulted the people who gave them the right”, you are saying that they don’t or shouldn’t have the right in the first place. You really want to go there? Stripping away constitutional rights?

Honestly, the guys on the left look a lot more reverent and thoughtful to me anyway.

It was not military servicemen (we have to assume that they’re talking about “our troops” here, naturally) who gave these players this right, by the way. The fledgling American congress – guess who knows all about this stuff now that she’s a bit obsessed with “Hamilton”?  – passed the first amendment to the constitution in 1791 as part of a collection of legislature called the Bill of Rights.  They gave these guys the right.

Oh wait. These guys are black.

So no, they didn’t. Sorry.

…hi.

You’re looking well. Oh, me too? Thanks. After all that surgery crap I kind of made the gym a priority in the summer. I got there 3 times a week, max. But progress is progress. Seriously, I know, it’s been forever! Or, it’s been since last February.

Yep…so… this is awkward. I haven’t felt like making the time to write in a long time.

Why?

My excuses:

Writing online and hoping that you’ve communicated effectively with someone is nicely humbling and excitingly uncomfortable. But, like those G. D. planks at the gym, it’s good for you. I hope. For what are we practicing planks, exactly? Is somebody going to need me to stand in for a short, lumpy table at some point?

Well, this is my wussy, non-committal commitment to getting back in the (blog) saddle again.

Let’s say we’ll shoot for weekly posts and then laugh about that because we all know what “reality” is.

Hmmm, what should we talk about first? Something nice and light?

I was out of breath from walking down the hall. I thought I was just pathetically out of shape.

I had a lot of trouble getting a good night’s rest. I thought that was “life”.

My stomach felt bloated and my jeans were fitting uncomfortably. I thought I was gaining weight.

I had no appetite. This of all things should have tipped me off but I thought, “Good, cause my jeans are fitting uncomfortably.”

I was “grumpy”, didn’t feel like myself at all, and didn’t take as much joy from my nice little life. I thought I was overwhelmed from work and doing the busy mom thing.  

I was exhausted, I couldn’t lay flat without feeling like I couldn’t breathe, I coughed all the time, and I felt like I couldn’t take in a good breath. I thought I’d caught a bronchitis or something, and it would run its course.

I remember having the distinct feeling that I was kind of sucking at life, but I bet I was giving folks a decent impression of being fine.

A year ago, today:

I decided to declare defeat (that’s how I looked at it) and went to a clinic after school. I was tachycardic, had an ejection fraction of 15-20% (it should be 55+), an enlarged heart, and I had some major congestive heart failure. I spent four days in the hospital and found out that I had a heart condition called dilated cardiomyopathy that, left untreated, had a “very poor” five-year prognosis (Read: If we don’t fix this, you’re not likely to make it five more years.)

Yes, holy sh*t, indeed. I wrote that clinic nurse a heck of a nice Thank You later on.

I can’t believe it’s been a year already. This seems crazy, but I actually think, “Wow, what a good year.” With a really good prognosis today, this is not a big thing. Despite not losing weight because HELLO, stupid metabolism-slowing medications – I’m living a significantly healthier lifestyle. It does still involve eating junk and Netflix. It also involves counting sodium, going to the gym, and getting a defibrillator implanted last month. I’ll get into changes I’ve/we’ve made in a future post, but I gotta tell ya, this “heart failure patient/survivor” thing, it doesn’t have to be awful. I do still tease Hubby that at least he can get a young hot blonde 2nd wife when I kick it. He does not find that funny.

Readers, please go to the doctor when you don’t feel right. Make the time. Don’t be afraid of them thinking you’re a hypochondriac or a whiner. People love you, you are important, and you just never know.  Feel free to tell them about your friend Meg who just thought she had a touch of bronchitis.