So, You Want To Run For Public Office?

Let’s pretend you want to run for a seat in government. I know. Just go with it for a second. 

Let’s pretend I’m in charge of making all the rules governing U. S. political campaigns. I think this would be a pretty cool responsibility. Congress: Call me!

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Yet another Facebook test crossed my path, and I liked the 2-dimensionalness of it. Instead of asking me if I’m pro-choice or anti-Obamacare, it measured your left vs. right-wingness, and your liberal vs. communitarianism-ness.  Don’t worry, I didn’t know what that last thing was either. And I will stop saying “ness” now.

Communitarianism is a philosophy that emphasizes the connection between the individual and the community… strict limits on governmental power. – Wikipedia

My results:

I’m 33 years old and except for making fun of it on the Daily Show, I’m burnt out when it comes to politics. Granted, I live in New Jersey (insert mob corruption joke here), but that’s just sad. And I’m part of the problem! It’s not that I particularly like or even know much of Hillary Clinton’s voting record. I just really want to see her in the powerful position that her husband had when his actions caused her to be very publicly humiliated. Not that THAT whole situation with Monica had much to do with his decision-making abilities as president, either. Or… did it?  😉 But these are superficial, ill-informed reasons to vote for someone!

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Entirely willing to ignore my own naiveté and ignorance in this matter, I decided that this test thingy should really be the basis for all political campaigning. No ads. No question-dodging. I can’t watch political debates anymore – I just talk angrily at the TV. The talking heads don’t answer any questions and I just want to hear what the guy in the blue tie would do about Veteran’s affairs, or something.

My “system” would go like this:

So, you want to run for public office?

1. You should probably have to pass a physical and mental evaluation, background check, and blah blah blah ‘details’. Then:
2. You complete the comprehensive 100+ questionnaire regarding your public policy.
   1. Yes, you must answer every question on a sliding scale of 1 “Completely Disagree” to 5 “Completely Agree”.
   2. Yes, your answers must be published. Be happy I haven’t decided to identify you as “Candidate Alpha” or something, so nobody can be racist or sexist when reading names.
3. Your answers are published. Explanations of the questions are included to help the public understand the issues.
4. Voters can decide on their hot-button issues, or seek out a general profile like the one on the test above, to see where they lie in relation to you and the other candidates.
5. You will pretty much be expected to vote in alignment with your questionnaire answers.
   1. Life and situations can change your mind about some issues. If you end up voting in a way that is not consistent with your pre-stated values, you can always publish a statement explaining your choice.
   2. If people don’t like the way you vote, they can just vote you out of office next time. You know, the way it’s “supposed” to work now?
6. No campaigning or fundraising. No public funds used for anything other than collecting and publishing this information. If you want to make appearances, they have to be benefiting a charity or school. Go home and raise your family and/or do your actual job. Those things that make you who you are, and a decent enough person to be trusted with the extra responsibility of governing? They’re more important. 
7. Did you get more votes than anybody else? (There will probably need to be elimination elections, and people can still vote for who they most agreed with each time.) Congrats! You’re now a politician. No baby-kissing required.

I realize this is an extremely simplistic system and would probably only be accepted in a 6th grade Social Studies paper. But something like this plan is literally a fantasy of mine. Please comment! Tell me why you hate or love this idea. Tell me what won’t work and what will. Tell me if Donald Trump is for real or just stays in character as a well as Andy Kaufman, to amuse me. Cause that would be awesome.