Of all the compliments that I’ve believed received, one of my favorites was:
“You’re like a 70’s mom.”
The fields of child psychology and parenting have come a long way since 1970, so this could sound less than complimentary. And I have way better hair than Kitty Foreman.
A friend said this to me at a little gathering at my place. I had off-handedly ‘suggested’ that all the darling but LOUD children there be banished outside until dinnertime. Or until someone was bleeding, whatever came first.
This favorable comparison came to mind again when I found this post by the fun blogger at Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds, called “If 70’s Moms had Blogs.” I highly recommend you go read it, it’s a good time. Enjoy it with a cup of Sanka, I’ll wait.
Welcome back. It worth the click, right? I love where she’s all pleased with herself for warning the kids against combine Pop Rocks and Pepsi. Later the kids play until they fall asleep, unsupervised! Because it’s “Grown-Up Time” downstairs. It’s like she’s in my head and knows my wildest dreams…
Now, her hyperbolic post was intended for entertainment purposes only. So naturally I’m going to take it way too far, and decide that when I grow up, I’d like to be: *cue superhero music*
(I told you I like messing with graphics.)
That means that my children need to be seen and not heard, right? Cause that will happen. The 70’s can sound like a harsher, adult-centered time, when kids were not valued for their feelings or opinions. Fast forward 40 years, and it looks a little different from where my mom sneakers are standing. Kids “need”:
- Numerous activities and engaging toys. (This is done to give children the best opportunities. And to sell parents lots and lots of stuff.)
- Constant supervision, everywhere. (This is to avoid lawsuits.)
- Regular conversations about their feelings on major issues, like whether they’d like to eat that pile of green beans: “I hear that you don’t want your beans, and I validate that, sweetie.” I don’t know whose fault this one is, but I want to punch him. More about food bargains another day.
I buy into these needs too. The 70’s Mom frame of mind seems preferable at times, but I’m not going to take up smoking and stop putting the kids to bed. Nor is Hubby is about to ignore the tots and retire to the living room with his glass of something, to read the paper. If anything, that would be me. Guilt, norms, and kids’ incessant need for intervention will keep us from becoming absentee parents in our home. But it’s a fascinating concept; they were allowed to make and take Tang, outside! On concrete patios! In glass glasses! *gasp* Their competence was trusted. Their brains and motor skills and imaginations were trusted. The ability of the older ones to to help the younger ones, teaching all of them the importance of caring for each other, was trusted.
In another time, a kid my big one’s age might have been helping with younger siblings all day. Not asking me to open her Capri Suns, still. So, we children of later generations – did we ruin things for future kids? Did we all wander off cliffs and drink Drano while our parents played Bridge, causing this pendulum swing in the other direction? We must have chewed on things we shouldn’t have, right? I doubt the intensity of parental love has changed at all, but…
I found it weird that there’d be a show modeled after a 70s sitcom family after having seen so many of the same in the 70s. Most of those, however reeked of being so EARNEST. (“We’ll get through it, we’re a Family, for God’s sake.) But the most successful tv family shows in the 70s were either set in other times as well (Happy Days, Waltons) or they were about what was still called at that time a “broken home”, not a single parent family. (Ever notice how many Disney animated movies were about single parent familes? Still are? )
Maybe it’s just that I teach in an area where entitlement is a given, but I can’t help wondering when accountability is supposed to kick in for the kids and their parents. Here’s a good example: When told his son was throwing dirt during an assembly, the response was that the school had not kept him appropriately engaged. Now that was last year and that ding dong father is no longer my problem but in a few years, when the police come to the door, is he really going to try that line on them?
As to your observation about trust, the 80s happened. “Adam” happened. Remember what happened at Toys R Us when it was time to go, you resisted so I pulled you and you cried “Help! Help!”. I was lucky I wasn’t arrested.
Stranger Danger lessons pushed curriculum aside overnight. I had an episode where I had to report a possible child abuse case based on a detailed drawing the child had made. I asked the woman from Children’s Services how they verified facts. She told me they asked the children. When I asked, “But what if they lie?” I was told, “Oh, children never lie”. Now I love children, I’ve had four of them myself and taught probably a few thousand, but the sense of right and wrong is not an instinct, it’s a developmental thing that you hope is a) taught at home and/or school and b) sinks in and stays with a child. Kids lie. To keep themselves out of trouble, to get something they want, for whatever reason. Giving the authority to a child to put someone behind bars….was scary then and is scary now.
So anyway, I don’t think it’s not always that we trusted kids more, it’s that we trust other people a lot less. What we do do more now, is protect children even from themselves, from the consequences of their own actions.
And that’s a heck of a good point there. PS, thanks for re-joining Twitter.
I agree, Rebecca. All the structure makes them dependent on someone else to stimulate them. How about getting them a library card and let them alone once in a while?
And this is why your kids don’t drive me crazy. 🙂
I agree with a lot that has been said above. Children need to know they are NOT the center of the universe. I have heard that discussed on talk shows and other venues. We love our children but in order to be useful to them and ourselves we must have time for ourselves and they need that time,too. My children knew that I didn’t like the “B” word… bored! If they couldn’t find something to do I would help them. 🙂 I would suggest they play with their blocks,read,ride their bike, go outside and other suggestions as they got older. My son had a teacher that once told her class, “If you are bored, you are a boring person.” Hmmm…
I believe we have become so self absorbed that we expect others to always make us happy and that isn’t anyone’s role in life. Just my feeling on that… others can add to your happiness and even take away from it BUT you have to make yourself happy. Who else knows better what does than you?
Also, another “novel” idea would be doing something for someone else. But these types of actions have to be taught to children,too. Well, that is my “2 cents” whatever that is worth.
Like your blog, Meg!
Thank you! I love the “if you’re bored, you’re a boring person”. 1. YES. 2. Do you know how much trouble I could get in for saying that to a student nowadays? LOVE it though.
Heckuva good job. I sure apriacpete it.