Under New (Behavior) Management?

So, I let the elder offspring give this letter to her teacher:

teacherletter (2)

Parents, teachers, and friends, I need you to tell me what you think of that move.

Here’s the background:

I have the feeling that my kid has been put in the ‘rough’ class several times now, probably because she can fend for herself academically and assertively.  Talking to parents whose children are in other classes in my daughter’s grade has confirmed it: They’re having a lot more fun. There’s always a ‘rough’ class. How do you know if your kid has landed there this year? Count the rings under her teacher’s eyes. 

But it’s a teacher conflict too. We all have a story about that teacher, who seemed miserable and possibly scared the #$%@ out of us in grade school. Mine had a foot-shaped hole in the tile floor where it was rumored she had screamed and stomped her foot so hard that it Broke. The. Floor. She supposedly left it that way as a grim reminder to future students that things could get UGLY. 

The elder offspring’s 2nd grade teacher has decided that whole-class punishment is her classroom management tactic. Several times now, all the kids have missed recess as punishment for bad behavior. Yes, like when we were in school. Although for me, that was the 80’s and I don’t remember much of this happening. 

Although I (empty) threaten individual students with this consequence sometimes (actually quite effective), I disagree with this policy on several levels:

1. Though occasionally necessary, regularly punishing the whole group is unfair and bad for morale.

2. These are 7 year-olds. They need recess. If you make the mistake of keeping 7 year-olds from running outside and being crazy, you might as well feed Gremlins after midnight, because that’s what you’re gonna get. 

5

Cute before you make a giant mistake. Just like 2nd graders. It will be a loooong afternoon.

The kid has been a little down about this. I am extremely tempted to be that mom and email the teacher, questioning her policy and telling her my kid doesn’t like school. It’s not the academics. It’s not for lack of friends. It’s this feeling that she’s in a “bad class”, that needs to be punished all the time. Additionally, a few times her librarian has also denied the whole class the chance to take out new books, because of ‘bad behavior’ in library class.

So one (tearful) night the elder offspring was bemoaning her class’s situation. I asked her if she was very, very sure that she was not part of the problem. She may have inherited my inability to shut up in class, how do I know? I suggested that she do something more productive than complaining to Mommy, like writing a R-E-S-P-E-C-T-ful letter. Writing is her thing, and mine. With email and texting and handwritten words like that above, you can think about how to phrase important things…as opposed to the “word vomit” that usually comes out of my mouth. #meangirlsreference This way, I could monitor her, uh, “tone”, too.

I let the kiddo give that letter to her teacher, and she got no response. For what it’s worth, that day they had recess but the next day, they missed it again. As a teacher who has been questioned many times by parents myself, the next-to-last thing I want to do is undermine another educator. I’m playing it cool and wondering exactly how bad this class really is, till conferences. I can’t wait to hear the teacher’s side of the story.  It’s not that big a deal; this may just be the year my daughter isn’t in love with school. Or, I may have to grow some Mommy balls.

The last thing I want, of course, is for my kid to hate school. At least until she has to take Calculus. Then it’s genetically inevitable. 

So, I’m curious: (Comments very appreciated!)

  • What do you think of the policy?

  • What do you think of the letter?

  • What would you ask at conference time, if this were your kid?

 

 

 

2 replies on “Under New (Behavior) Management?”

  1. I think it is right that you try to involve her, even though she may suffer the teacher’s negative reactions to this. Taking away everyone’s recess is unfair unless everyone was actually misbehaving.
    This seems to be her go-to strategy and at parent night you should at least make your opinion of that method known No kid should have a “bad year” because of teacher relationship. If you get nothing at parent night, start up the chain. Kids can be changed to new classes if it is warranted. And remember 2nd grade–you had the strictest lower grades teacher, Mrs. Keller. But I don’t think she was this bad. The librarian is owed a visit, too, to ask specifically what Maddie did wrong to deserve no new book that week. You don’t deny kids what we try so hard to get them to like and use. IMHO

  2. The logic behind punishing everyone is usually lost on a kid who already only cares about what he or she wants. Is the rest of the class supposed to pressure the kid into changing the behavior? I have only used it when we’re about to go out and someone’s chattering away by saying, “Listen, do you hear that? It’s the sound of you all waiting for one person to be quiet.” What has always worked better is spotlighting the desired behavior. (“I like the way Ignatzio is waiting” or “What does ready sound like? What does ready look like?”) That gets quick results. Punishing everyone for the acts of a minority makes as much sense as telling all the customers at a bank they can’t deposit or withdraw money because one of them wrote a bounced check. It’s lazy and unfair.

    On the other hand, there are some times withholding recess is not only appropriate but necessary. If there is a behavior problem, it needs to be discussed teacher to student, not in front of a class on everyone else’s instructional time. What other time is there besides recess? (I live on the edge doing this in my district, in which a parent complained to the school board and they came out with such a heavy-handed ban on teachers denying recess they should put a byline next to their district name “Where the tail not only wags the dog, it OWNS the dog”.)

    I also think Maddie’s teacher owes her a respectful response. She raises legitimate questions. If she doesn’t get one by conference time, that should be the first thing brought up after discussing grades. Get those done first because once you bring this up, that’s all you’ll be talking about. I know whereof I speak, having been on both sides of the conference table and having also had the teachers be close colleagues. It ain’t easy because you do have to wear several hats and but don’t take the Mommy Hat off for a second in the conference. If the teacher is also a parent, she’ll get it. If not, time to call in the principal. It’s your job to be the advocate.

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